Monday, September 30, 2013

Demeter Fragrance Review - Cinnamon Bark Massage and Body Oil

Good morning, lovelies! :D

I have another Demeter review for you, but this time it is for one of their scented Pick-Me-Up Massage and Body Oils. :}

Demeter sent me their Cinnamon Bark body oil for consideration, and I cannot get enough of it!

To any of you who have used Philosophy's Gingerbread Man body scrub, this smells exactly the same!!! :D  (I have loved that scent for years and always wanted to get more of their scrub so I could smell it, and now I have that scent!! :D  Also, since it is not in a scrub, I can use it whenever I like :D)

There is some cinnamon in this oil, but I detect more notes of other spices, like ginger.  While this may not be what a lot of people expect (I expected just straight cinnamon), I think it is absolutely fabulous!!  I smell a great bouquet of spices, and none of them stand out alone, so don't expect this to be a seriously strong cinnamon, because it is not.  But it is a gorgeous spicy mix, and I highly recommend giving it a try. :D

The oil they use is jojoba oil, so it spreads easily and sinks in.  Not only that, but it makes your skin smooth, and would definitely aid in allowing your hands to glide over skin as you massage it.  The fragrance they have added is light, so you won't feel like you dumped a bottle of perfume on yourself when you use it.

Right now I am wearing this with Demeter's Mahogany cologne over top, and that combination is absolutely dreamy!!  This is perfect for fall and winter, and it reminds me of the holidays. :D

I give this a 5/5, and will want to repurchase when I run out of it.  I don't know if I would have thought to try one of their massage and body oils before now, and I am so glad they sent me this one because now I want more of them! XD

Have you tried any of Demeter's massage and body oils before?  Any of them catching your eye?

Have a wonderful day! :D

-Ashesela :}

Sunday, September 29, 2013

September Favourites - 2013

Good morning, dear readers! :}

As we are nearing the close of September 2013, I feel it is time for a September Favourites post! :D  I decided to add a section on the bottom of this post of my September Un-Favourites, too.

I have been seriously loving these this month:

Here is the list, in no particular order:

1. Lush Sea Spray hair mist - a texturizing spray that gives my hair body while keeping frizz down.  It has a gorgeous fragrance (the same scent as Shine So Bright) and I keep getting compliments on it when I wear it :D
2. Lush Shine So Bright - a hair balm that smells absolutely gorgeous and helps with fly aways and keeping split end looking better.
3. Demeter Mahogany cologne spray - a strong, spicy wood scent that I am in love with.  Perfect for the cooler months of the year :D
4. Demeter Cinnamon Bark massage and body oil - It smells like Philosophy's Gingerbread Man body scrub.  Not a straight cinnamon scent, it smells like an autumn/winter blend with ginger and other spices.
5. Lush Ro's Argan body conditioner - Absolutely delicious rose jam scent, and it moisturises like a dream!
6. Lush Rose Jam bubbleroon - I love the Rose Jam scent and this makes my hard water much more soft, while leaving some delightful bubbles and a pink tinge to the bathwater.
7. Boscia B.B. Cream in Light - This blends easily, gives medium coverage, is the perfect colour for my pale skin, does not break me out and has a broad spectrum SPF of 27 PA ++.  Can't go wrong with that! :D
8. Light rye bread - because it is amazing.
9. Nutella -... oh god whyyyy??!  I ate SO MUCH of this stuff!!
10. Earl Grey tea - because it is Earl Grey tea.
11. The Walking Dead - I re-watched the first two seasons this month, and I cannot wait until Oct 13th for the new season to start up.  I heard that a new web series will be starting up on Oct 1st, so definitely check out their website for that! :D
12. Hex - a really interesting television show on the UK Netflix.  It has Michael Fassbender in it, and oooh boy, he is lookin' gooooood!!
13. Orly nail polish in Buried Alive - this came out last fall in Orly's Dark Shadows collection, and it is a gorgeously rich dark brown, which is amazing for the cooler weather.
14. Ylvis - This band is hilarious!!  I recommend that you go to YouTube and type in their name, and watch some of their music videos. :D
15. Starbucks pumpkin spice latte - need I say more?

Now, for the things I have not loved so much this month...

September Un-Favourites:

1. My nails got all brittle and the skin around them has been so dry, despite moisturising.  I now have really uneven nubbins, and a bazillion hangnails.  What the hell??! *angry face*
2.  Being a smoker still.  Ugh so bad for me and sooo expensive!! :(
3. My new Lush Vanilla Puff Powder.  It smells weird, not at all like the other one I had before, which smelled like Vanillary.  It must be a batch problem. :(
4. World War Z (the movie).  I didn't hate it, but despite knowing that it was different from the book and watching it while trying to treat it as a stand-alone, I was a bit unimpressed.  Which makes me feel bad because a lot of people spent a lot of time and money on this project.  The main thing that bothered me was the way they did the zombies.  They are all super-human fast, and almost all of them are CGI, which instantly dates the film.  Even some zombies that were right in front of the camera were heavily computer generated.  I can understand doing that for the crazy hoards, for obvious reasons (like hundreds and thousands of super fast undead).  But I think they could have added in more makeup for the singular zombies.  The Walking Dead uses really amazing makeup for most of their zombies, and so the show will still look visually amazing 10 years from now.  But CGI zombies will look not-so-good in only a couple of years.  But hey, what can you do?

What are some of your favourites for this month? :D  Any un-favourites?

Have a wonderful day!!


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Walking Dead Nails - Freehand Nail Art

Good morning, lovelies!! :D

As we are now nearing October and the start up of the new season of The Walking Dead (one of my favourite shows of all time!), I figured it was time to do some zombie nails!! :D

Seriously, I cannot get enough of this show.  So why not combine two of my loves, and make a manicure based on it? :D

Here we gooooo:

Bleaargh zombieeees....

Now for some close-ups:

And for some haphazardly attached nails:

I hope you have an awesome weekend!! :D  Anyone else looking forward to The Walking Dead returning?

-Ashesela :}

Friday, September 27, 2013

Demeter Fragrance Review - Iced Berries

Good morning, dear readers!

I have another lovely Demeter Fragrance to review today, which was kindly sent to me for consideration from Demeter Fragrance: Iced Berries!

Here is the product description from their web site:

"Demeter’s Iced Berries is a fascinating crisp and cool blend of Raspberries, Blueberries, and Blackberries with a touch of spice."

I completely agree with it!! :D  I get notes of berries, a cool fresh crispness to it, as well as a hint of spice.  I don't think I could pick out which exact berries it smells like to me, although if I hadn't read the description I might have thought that cranberries were added to the mix.  When my sister smelled it she could definitely get the blueberry, but not the other berries.

I find that the longer I wear it, the more the mild spice note comes through.  It is very mild though, so don't worry about this scent being mostly spice and a little berry; it is more berry than anything.

This is perfect for the cooler months of the year, and definitely has that holiday feel to it. :)

I am not sure how they do it, but it really does smell like cold, iced berries vs. regular (warm?) berries.  Iced Berries isn't too sweet, and can be layered with other perfumes to add a bit of fruitiness to it.

Have you tried any of Demeter's fragrances yet?  Are there any you are excited about? :D

Have a wonderful day!

-Ashesela :}

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Lush NZ Christmas Products Now Online

Good morning, dear readers! :D

I was very excited to see that the Lush NZ website has their Christmas collection already up and for sale, as this allows me a chance to plan what I would like to get when the Christmas collection is released here! :D

(EDIT: for some reason the photos stopped working, so I had to remove them!)

Here are some excerpts from the site:


Bombardino shares its name with a drink enjoyed in the Italian Alps made with rum or brandy, egg liqueur and topped with whipped cream.
This bath bomb smells a little like a lemon cheesecake or a lemon meringue.
We’ve added cocoa butter to soften the skin, whilst Sicilian lemon oil and Fair Trade vanilla absolute, the world’s first Fair Trade absolute, give your bath a sweet and delicious fragrance.


This body lotion shares the same fragrance as our Golden Wonder bath bomb and is the perfect lotion to put on before a festive night out. Cocoa butter and almond oil will replenish and moisturise your skin. Its intoxicating fragrance will linger, with uplifting lime oil and a splash of cognac - true cause for celebration. Celebrate is one of our first preservative free lotions.


Brand new Fun, invented by Lush co-founder Mo Constantine, has been given a Christmas makeover – it’s encased in golden lustre and is scented with the fragrance of all-year-round product Honey I Washed The Kids soap.
Fun is a multi-use product – it can be used as a body and hair wash, bubble bath or just for fun by moulding it into different shapes! Comforting sweet wild orange oil, uplifting bergamot, softening cornflour and plenty of gold lustre make Gold Fun a fun-filled, feel-good gift to be used any time and any place.
You decide how you want to use it: pinch off a little and lather up for washing body and hair, crumble a small bit under running water for bubble baths or just play with it!


This product shares its fragrance with our Twilight bath bomb and gives a soothing and calming bath with polka dots of colour that will float to the surface making pastel coloured islands in the water.
Luxury Lush Pud is a relaxing bath bomb made with comforting lavender and ylang ylang oil - perfect for a bath before bedtime.


Inside the Snow Fairy Sparkle is a fondant centre with Shimmy Shimmy lustre. This sparkle will leave you smelling of our popular Snow Fairy shower gel.
Smoosh the Fairy, and its organic shea, murumuru and cupuaŅ«u butters will melt over your arms and shoulders (and anywhere else that needs to sparkle) for soft, shining skin that catches the light as you flutter, leaving you beautifully moisturised.
Perfect for little girls, boys, and closet fairies who want to sparkle from head to toe.


This fun bubble bar is modelled on Little Penguins found on Philip Island, Australia – they’re the smallest penguins in the world! 
Fans of The Olive Branch shower gel will love this exotic product. Its orange flower absolute and Sicilian mandarin oil will refresh and uplift, while cornflour will soften the water. 
Crumble under running water to create bubbly glaciers and release the bubble crumble to drift over the foam.


Catch a falling star and put it in your… bath. We have been working for a long time to make this Christmas bath melt – a shimmering bright star for an extra special bath filled with light and lustre.
This is a fantastic Christmas gift. The shea butter fondant centre inside this bath melt is rich and moisturising, creating a soft and creamy bath. When the star melts, its silvery lustre spreads into the water creating a magical trail of starlight. Refreshing ginger and zesty lime oil inspire positivity and will also give you an extra boost.
Close your eyes, make a wish, crush this melt under running waetr and watch as your bath turns into a turquoise, silvery pool of star light.

Now these are not all that they have listed, so I suggest going over to their website and taking a peek at their offerings! :D  I don't know about you, but I am very excited for Christmas!! :)
Have a great day! ^-^

(Disclaimer: All photos and descriptions on this post are not my own, but are taken from the Lush NZ website.)

Ash's Nail Tutorials 3

Good morning, dear readers! :)

Today I have another tutorial for you, and the end result is this:

This looks is inspired by this image in the October 2013 issue of Flare magazine:

So here we go! (Click for larger image)

1.  Start with a clean nail. :)

2. Paint your base colour, applying as many layers as needed to reach opacity (for this look I used Orly Boho Bonnet).

3.  Using a fine paint brush, brush some tiny lines using a light grey/periwinkle acrylic paint in one direction.  Be sure to leave some room between each line.

4.  Finish painting the tiny lines (this step in the other direction), and don't worry if they aren't perfect.. it is based on fabric, so that is ok! :)

5. Using a light pink colour, paint some more lines going vertical down the nail, but make sure to make these lines smaller than the first ones.  Paint them where two groups of light grey lines "meet".

6.  Using a teal or darker blue colour, do the same this as you did for the pink lines, one column over.

7.  Going horizontal this time, make little V shapes with a dark brown colour.  If they are a bit messy (mine were!), you can add dots of light grey between each V.  It doesn't matter too much though, because the next step covers them up for the most part.  Make two lines of V shapes.

8.  Paint a line of clear top coat across the horizontal designs, then using a wax tool or a pointy object with a bit of sticky top coat on it, pick up and transfer some tiny pearl beads.  Try to get these in a straight line, over each set of dark brown V's.

Apply top coat over the entire nail, and you are done! :D

I hope that you have an awesome day, and that you found this tutorial helpful!! :)

-Ashesela :}

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Demeter Fragrances Sugar Cookie Review

Good morning, dear readers! :D

Today's post is a review of the lovely Demeter Fragrances Sugar Cookie cologne spray (which was kindly sent to me for consideration by their amazing PR team). :D

I absolutely love the idea behind Demeter scents, as they have a pretty incredible range of fragrances, from Thunderstorm and Dirt, to Ocean and Hot Toddy.  There is literally something for everyone in their scent library (which boasts more than 250 choices), and I know that my wish list is ever growing. :)  Not only that, but for almost all of the scents you can get them in a cologne, a room spray, a diffuser oil and a massage oil (as well as lotion)!  How awesome is that? :D

Now for Sugar Cookie!

This is a lovely sweet and comforting scent, and I detect notes of sugar, vanilla and butter.  This is very comforting, and perfect to spritz on before you head to bed (that way you get gentle whiffs of sweet as you lull yourself to sleep).

It doesn't smell exactly like sugar cookies to me, but what I like about Demeter perfumes is that they base their scents on very exact things, like Sugar Cookie.  Here is a blurb from their website:

"Not surprisingly, at Demeter, we subscribe to the Cookie-Tin school, although our Sugar Cookie is not based on the old Frisbie Baking recipe. Demeter Sugar Cookie smells like the founder's mother's cookies, clipped from the Ladies Home Journal in 1963."

So while this does not smell like the sugar cookies that I bake at home, it is based on a very particular recipe, and it could smell exactly like it (I haven't tried those cookies before so I cannot accurately say).  Also please remember that fragrances are very relative (your natural skin pH, the oils in your skin, your own memories, etc. can all affect how you perceive a scent).

What impressed me most about this particular fragrance is that I really do detect notes of butter!!  It may sound a bit out of the ordinary for a perfume, but Demeter knows how to make anything work! :D

I read a reviewer stating that it reminded them more of sugar cookie batter vs. a cooked sugar cookie, and I would have to say that I agree with them.

I am wearing Sugar Cookie layered over top of Demeter Mahogany right now, and they work really well together (you can mix and match a lot of their fragrances, which is really awesome and exciting!!).

Again I will have to give a high-five to Demeter for their marvellous scents! :D

Have you tried Sugar Cookie or any other Demeter fragrances?

Have a wonderful day!! :}

-Ashesela :}

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Demeter Fragrance - Snow Cologne Spray Review

Good morning, dear readers! :D

Today I have a review of a product that was very generously sent to me from Demeter Fragrances:
Snow Cologne Spray.

As this will be my first review of Demeter Fragrances products, I have to tell you that the customer service of this brand is really incredible!!

We had been e-mailing back and forth, and less than a week later there was a package  from FedEx at my door.  In the package along with the samples, there was a hand written note!! :'D  Personal touches like this really make a difference, and I cannot even say how wonderful the people at Demeter are. :) The items were packaged very securely, and the bottles are of such lovely quality. Incredibly polite and kind, the Demeter employees are also very helpful and generous.  (I can honestly say that because this whole experience they have a customer for life! :'D)

Not only that, but they are cruelty-free!!

Onto Snow! :D

First off I will tell you that as a Canadian living in Ontario, I have had my fair share of snow ;).  Also, I am notorious for being extremely picky with scents.

This fragrance is really beautiful.  It is a light fragrance that feels refreshingly cool and watery, like a cucumber!  (It doesn't smell like a cucumber, but it definitely has water notes in it that are very apparent.)

I will be 100% honest and say that I do not quite smell 'snow', but I know that a lot of people do when they smell this and it is incredibly hard to make a cologne based on a natural element like water.  I also base my memories of snow on what it tastes like (I looove eating snow, strange I know, but it tastes really good when it is clean lol).  Not only that, but everyone has a different body chemistry, and what I smell on my own skin will not be the same as what you smell on yours (for example, almost every perfume my sister wears turns citrus on her slightly more acidic skin).

The funny thing is, both my sister and I are reminded of something really nice when we smell this fragrance, but we cannot put our finger on what it is!! :D We have both smelled something like this before but we cannot remember exactly what that was, other than that it is a really lovely scent!

My sister and I both really like this.   My sister says it has a watery, slightly sweet, almost fruitiness to it, while also reminding her of freshly washed mittens. :)  I would have to agree with her 100%!  I think I detect the teensyist hint of a whispered floral.

This would be lovely to wear any time of the year (very refreshing in the summer), but I can see myself loving this in the winter.  I cannot deny that this has a huge note of water, which is funny because water normally doesn't smell like anything! XD

If I had to use only a few words to describe this, I would say: cool, refreshing, watery (not watered-down, but smelling of water), slightly fruity/floral (but only slightly!).

My overall impression?  This is an extremely lovely fragrance, and while it does not smell exactly of snow to me, it is a beautifully well-rounded scent which conjures up images of cool water.  Maybe not snow exactly, but it definitely smells cold with water notes.  How does something smell cold?!  I don't know how they did it, but Demeter has got serious skills. :)  I can see a snow fairy wearing this in a forest, on a brisk winter dusk.

Have you tried Snow or any other Demeter fragrances before?


Monday, September 23, 2013

Woodland Autumn Nails (Freehand Nail Art)

Good morning, dear readers! (Super early morning, 12:11 a.m. here! XD)

Today I have some more nail art to show you. :D

As today is officially autumn (YAY!), I figure it is time to start showcasing some interesting and out of the ordinary nail art.  What is better for fall than woodland nails? :D

My sister is a makeup artist, and she will be doing a photoshoot of a woodland nymph, so I offered to do the nails for it.

So for the nails we decided on something like bark and twigs, to continue with the theme, and this is what I came up with:

For these I used some regular trimmed false nails, and scraped them up a bit, also pulling out some of the nail to mimic bark peeling.

The base grey I used is China Glaze Recycle, and the other colours are brown, white and black paint.

I used Sephora by O.P.I Matte Top Coat over the finished designs, as I didn't want something super shiny but needed to provide some protection for the acrylic paint.  I find that over time the matte top coat has gotten less matte :/

My sister actually started a new blog (Fantastic Illusions) to show some of her work.  I absolutely adore her work (not just because she is my sister but because she is fantastic at what she does :D), and I really suggest taking a peek at her website!!  She doesn't have much up just yet as she just started it, but her content is awesome, and I know of more awesome projects she will have photos of later :D!

I hope that you had a great weekend!


Sunday, September 22, 2013

Ash's Nail Tutorials 2

Good morning, lovelies!! :)

Today I have another nail art tutorial for you...

YAY Polka-dots!! :D

The inspiration came from the cover of the October 2013 Flare magazine:

(Please excuse the camera flash)

On the cover Kerry Washington is wearing a coat by Miu Miu, and I thought it would be fun to make a design that had similar elements.

So here we go! :D

(Click the image to make it larger)

1. Start with a clean nail :D

2.  Add your desired base colour until you reach opacity.

3.  Paint two intersecting lines, (one vertical and one horizontal) using black acrylic paint and a fine brush.  Make the vertical line a bit thicker than the horizontal one.

4.  Start adding dots!! :D  Use a fine tipped brush or a dotting tool (I use both in my designs), and make small dots out of black acrylic paint.

5.  The finished dots.

6.  Add some clear top coat, then put some rounded 'studs' onto the thicker line at even intervals.  (These type of studs.) You can pick up the studs and place them using a toothpick dipped in top coat (to make it sticky), or some wax pencils (like these).

7.  I wanted to add black studs for texture, but since I only had gold ones, I painted them with black acrylic paint.

8.  Add a few thin lines of yellow with a fine paint brush.  Add some top coat.

And there you go!! :D  All done! :}

I hope you have a wonderful day!! :D  If you have any ideas or suggestions for future tutorials, let me know below! :D

(P.S. I will get around to the water marbling, but it intimidates me so I am putting it off as long as I can XD)


Saturday, September 21, 2013

Ash's Nail Tutorials 1 (New Series)

Good afternoon, lovelies!!

I decided that I would start a newer series of posts for my blog.  At least once a week I will try to make a tutorial for different nail art designs. :D
If there are any tutorials you would like for a certain design, just send a comment my way and I try to do what I can to make it happen. :)

Today is day 1 of Ash's Nail Tutorials, and the design we will be creating looks like this:

Here is the tutorial:

Step 1: Start with a fresh, clean nail (or a false nail, like I used above)

Step 2. Paint nail the desired base colour, adding as many layers as necessary to reach an opaque look.  (For this look I used China Glaze Velvet Bow)

Step 3. Spaced evenly apart and leaving a good amount of space in-between, add some large half-sphere beads all around the nail.

Step 4. Fill in the bare areas between the large beads with smaller half-sphere ones.  Leave a little bit of space between each bead.

Step 5. After adding a bit of sticky top coat to the top of the nail, start placing small beads (caviar-style) in a criss-cross pattern.  (You will periodically have to add fresh top coat to keep the area adhesive.)

Step 6. Add some top coat, and you are done! :D  (My top coat is a bit old and thick, so there are some bubbles)

As you can see, achieving a lovely nail art look can be really easy and fun!! :D

What do you think of my first (well, first in this series anyway! XD) nail tutorial?

Have an amazing day! :D


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Zoya Nyx Swatch

Howdy do, lovelies!

Tonight I have a swatch of Zoya Nyx, which is one of the original Pixie Dust polishes.

This is a stunning blue grey, with silver glitter in it.

While this is a textured polish, I love how it looks with top coat smoothing it over:

Yay sparkles! 

I wanted to do a manicure post for the last little while, but my nails snapped and I am waiting for them to grow out.  So these photos are a bit old, but what the hey! XD

I don't have many of the Pixies, but I do love the looks of them.

Are you a fan/do you have any Pixie Dust favourites?

Have a great night! :)


Lush Rosie Wrapped Gift Set Review

Good morning, lovelies!! :)

To offset my previous sad post, I thought I would write another one about something happy: Lush! XD

A couple of weeks ago I picked up a Rosie wrapped gift set:

That packaging is so cute, ahhh!! XD

Here is a cute list of the contents:

Yay Rosie!!

Thank you, team Mai!

When I opened up the package, I was greeted by the cute and colourful puffs:

Ah, here we go! :D

The gift retails for $29.96 Can.

Inside, there were four items:
-Amandopando bubble bar
-Rose Jam bubbleroon
-Rose Queen bath bomb
-Ro's Argan body conditioner (45 g)

Rose Jam bubbleroon:

Ro's Argan body conditioner:

Amandopondo bubble bar:

Rose Queen bath bomb:

I think this is a wonderful gift!! :D  It is packaged so beautifully (and you can save the wrapping paper!), and it has such a lovely assortment of products to try.

It is also great for those of you who want to try Ro's Argan body conditioner, without having to splurge on a whole pot. :)

If you are like me and don't usually use up a whole bubble bar in one go, you can get 5 baths out of the three bath items (bubble bars and bath bomb), and then you have the added Ro's Argan to enjoy.

I would give this gift a 5/5!  I know that in the future I will repurchase it, because it is awesome and just so gosh darn cute! :D

It also comes with a small catalogue of what products are included in the different gift sets:

This is perfect as a birthday gift, anniversary gift, Christmas gift, pick-me-up gift...

Have you tried the Rosie gift set, or any of the items in it?

Have a wonderful day! :D


A Very Personal Post and Medication Rant GRRR! (Possible Trigger Warning)

Good morning lovelies.

It is 4:04 a.m. right now and I am super tired, but I can't sleep.  You see, I forgot to take my medication yesterday.  UGH!  So please forgive me, but I need to rant today.

This will be a very serious post, and for those of you with mental illnesses I want to warn you that this may be triggering.


I am grumpy.  I hate having to take medication for my bazillion mental illnesses.  I hate constantly trying new medications to see if something will work for me.  I have a phobia of medications, because I have had some absolutely terrifying side effects from them (*cough cough PAXIL!*cough*).

I hate the side effects, the stress, the anxiety and the bad reactions.

(Not my image)

I hate having to take half a year to get off one stupid medication in particular that didn't make me better, but actually worse.  (I am still trying to wean myself off of it completely.)

I hate knowing that this medication is making me feel even worse (which is really not something that I need right now, let alone for the last couple years!), and not being able to just stop taking it cold turkey.

(Not my image)

One of the medications I am on was at 400 mgs.  Now I am at 150 and it has literally taken me months (about half a year) to lower it this much, and the last time I lowered it my sleep got screwed up for a month (actually it still is).  So for over a month now my body literally cannot sleep for more than 3 or 4 (usually 4 max) hours at a time.  I usually wake up every 3-3.5 hours.  So I go back to sleep, then wake up another 2.5 hours later.

A couple of weeks ago I was able to sleep for a solid 5 hours straight, and it was glorious. (Glorious, I say!)

I am awake right now because I have anxiety, and because my other medication I am on makes me feel physically ill when I delay taking it (like I am going to throw up).

I hate being mentally ill.

I hate having generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, psychosis, paranoid delusions, depression, an eating disorder, and whatever else.

I hate flipping in between feeling *almost* normal for a couple hours, to being afraid that people aren't real or that they are trying to hurt me for days.

I hate not being able to function like a healthy, normal, human being.

I hate questioning if my memories are real, if people really care about me, if people are trying to poison me.

I can put on a normal face, I can act like nothing is wrong most of the time, and because no one but me knows what I am thinking (unless I tell them), people think I am fine.

I really do look normal.

I hate having gained so much weight from the last time I tried quitting smoking (I went for 5 months), then from my heavy duty sedating anti-psychotic medication (warning, it said, can cause *massive* weight gain, it said).  I hate that I am now back where I was with binge eating disorder, and I am at the heaviest I have ever been.  I hate that only 5 years ago I was really thin from not eating, and despite all of that I still thought I was fat.  I hate that I would go back to being that sick in one second, if it meant weighing that again.  But even if I did, I would still think I was fat.  (It's so ridiculous!)

I hate looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

I hate that I am scared to go into town by myself.  I hate that at one point it got so bad that I literally could not be left alone in a room by myself, or else I would start getting massive panic attacks.  I could barely leave my apartment to go to the corner store next door (literally next door).  I hate that I over analyse every.single.thing. until I start feeling crazy and terrified of it.  EVERY THING.  The air I breathe.  The light I see, the sounds I hear, the touch of fabric, the thoughts in my head.

Even though it makes no sense whatsoever (and I know that, I really do!), when I am in my completely illogical frame of mind, I can believe almost anything that my brain thinks up.  Sometimes I am terrified that my memories aren't real, even if they are from only 5 minutes ago.

I hate being so hyper aware of everything, of time passing, of moments lost.  So many people say to 'live in the moment', but if they lived in the moment the way I do, they wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I hate that when I get like this, I get scared of everyone around me, including my family and friends.  That absolutely crushes me.  They don't deserve that.  I know it is not my fault, but I still feel that it is.

I hate not being able to control my own brain.  My own self.  I would give up a leg if it meant being mentally healthy.  And yes, I really do mean that.  Literally, having my whole leg completely lopped off.

I hate not being able to do more for my loved ones who also suffer from extreme mental illnesses.  Having to just sit there and watch them suffer, from morning until evening, every day..  words can't even.

I hate being so helpless.  I hate being sick.  I would never wish this on anyone, including my worst enemy.

Thank you for letting me rant.  Some days it just gets a bit too much, y'know?


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Lush Big Solid Conditioner Review

Good evening, lovelies!! :D

Tonight I have a review of Lush's wonderful Big solid conditioner.

As many of you know, Big started out as a delightful shampoo chock full of sea salt (over half of the base is made out of it!), sea water, citrus juices, seaweed and many other lovely ingredients, and is intended to give limp hair a beach-y boost.

Enter Big conditioner...

This baby, relatively new to the Lush lineup, is made out of very similar ingredients but in a solid (although a bit squishy!) conditioner form.  Jungle is the only other solid conditioner Lush currently offers.

The bar is infused with coconut and jojoba oils to condition, while the sea salt and sea water help to give flat hair a bit of help.

There are several ways of using a solid conditioner, like crumbling a bit into your hand and mixing with water to make a paste.  I prefer to take the whole bar and rub it all over my hair after I rinse out my shampoo.

While it is in your hair it will not feel like there is much there, but after you rinse it out your hair is left soft and smooth. :D

Be aware that this is a more 'light' conditioner, probably ideal for those with oily strands and who do not need very much moisturising.  If you have severely damaged and dry hair I suggest going for something that packs a bit more of a moisturising punch.

My hair is very damaged and dry, but it is also fine.  It gets frizzy easily and is wavy, and it is a bit interesting trying to control it.  Despite all of that, the combination of Blousey shampoo and Big conditioner keep it in tip-top shape!  (Blousey is so moisturising that I don't need a stronger conditioner for my hair... and that is saying a lot!)

Another favourite use of my Big conditioner is as a shaving lotion!! :D
After cleansing the legs I run the bar up and down them until I have a thin film, and then I proceed to shave with ease.  This has significantly reduced my razor burn and any cuts that I make, which used to be very often.  It also does not clog my razors, and it smells great! :D

So there you have it: a great light conditioner that does not weigh hair down, can be used effectively as a shaving lotion, and can be safely transported wherever you may travel.

Have you used Big conditioner before?

Have a lovely night, my friends!


Products I'm Really Enjoying Right Now

Good afternoon, dear readers! Today's post is about some of products that I've been enjoying lately!  Swatches (where applicable) ...